How to Talk About Adoption During the Holidays

9 April 2025

The holiday season is a time of joy, family gatherings, and shared traditions. But if adoption is part of your family's story, it can bring up a mix of emotions and conversations that might feel tricky to navigate. Whether you're an adoptive parent, an adoptee, or someone with adoption in your extended family, knowing how to talk about it with sensitivity and confidence can make all the difference.

In this guide, we'll walk through practical tips for discussing adoption during family gatherings, answering tough questions, and creating an inclusive environment for everyone.

Why Adoption Conversations Feel Different During the Holidays

Holidays bring people together—relatives, friends, and even distant family members who may not know all the details of your adoption journey. That means you might face well-intended but awkward questions, unsolicited opinions, or even assumptions based on outdated views.

On the flip side, holidays can also be a beautiful time to celebrate adoption, reinforce a child's sense of belonging, and honor their unique story. The key is to approach these conversations with respect, confidence, and a bit of preparation.

Tips for Talking About Adoption During the Holidays

1. Set the Tone Beforehand

If you're hosting or attending a gathering, you can set the stage for positive conversations about adoption. Let close family members know ahead of time if there are certain topics that should be handled with care or if your child prefers not to discuss their adoption story.

A simple message like, “We’re happy to share about our adoption journey, but we want to keep the focus on celebrating together,” can set boundaries while keeping things warm.

2. Prepare Your Child (If They’re an Adoptee)

Children, especially younger ones, may be unsure how to respond if relatives ask about their adoption. Practicing responses in advance can give them confidence.

For example, if a well-meaning aunt asks, “Do you ever wonder about your real parents?” your child might feel caught off guard. Practicing a response such as, “I have two real parents—one who gave me life and one who is raising me” can help them feel empowered rather than overwhelmed.

Let kids know they aren’t obligated to answer anything that makes them uncomfortable. Giving them the choice to share (or not) puts them in control of their story.

3. Keep Responses Simple and Positive

When relatives ask about adoption, it’s easy to over-explain or feel defensive. Instead, keep your responses simple, positive, and age-appropriate.

For example:

- Curious Relative: “Where is their ‘real’ mom?”
- Simple Response: “I'm their mom. Their birth mom is an important part of their story, but I’m the one parenting them every day.”

- Curious Relative: “Aren’t you worried they’ll want to find their birth parents?”
- Simple Response: “Adoption is part of who they are. If they ever choose to search for their birth family, we’ll support them because we love them.”

Redirect the conversation as needed—sometimes, less is more.

4. Have a Plan for Difficult Questions

Not every question will be easy to handle, especially if someone’s words feel insensitive. Instead of reacting emotionally, try responding with grace while setting boundaries.

- Example: If someone asks, “How much did the adoption cost?”
- You can respond with: “Adoption isn’t about money; it’s about building a family. We’d rather focus on the love that brought us together.”

If a conversation becomes intrusive, don’t be afraid to shut it down with a polite, “That’s a private matter,” or redirect the discussion to something more appropriate.

5. Educate Without Over-Explaining

The holidays can be a great opportunity to gently educate family and friends about modern adoption. Many people still hold outdated beliefs and might not realize that terms like “giving up for adoption” can feel negative.

Instead of correcting people aggressively, use subtle ways to educate:

- If someone says, “Was the birth mom too young to keep the baby?”
- You could respond, “She made a loving choice to place her child with us, and we’re so grateful.”

Small shifts in language help reframe adoption as a positive and loving choice rather than a loss.

6. Give Grace to Well-Meaning Relatives

Not everyone knows the right words to use when talking about adoption. If a relative uses outdated terms or asks an unintentionally hurtful question, try to assume positive intent.

Instead of getting frustrated, respond with kindness. Something as simple as, “We actually use the term ‘birth parents’ instead of ‘real parents,’” can correct gently without making it awkward.

7. Create New Traditions That Honor Adoption

Holidays are all about traditions, and adoption can add new, meaningful ones to your celebrations.

Consider incorporating elements that honor your child's heritage (if they were adopted internationally), telling their adoption story as part of your family’s holiday traditions, or choosing a special ornament that represents their journey.

Think of it as blending old and new—your child’s past is important, but they’re also creating new memories with their forever family.

8. Know When to Step Away

If conversations around adoption start to feel overwhelming (for you or your child), it’s okay to take a break. Step outside, grab a quiet moment with your child, or shift to a different topic.

Your family’s emotional well-being is more important than feeling obligated to answer every question about adoption. Prioritize creating a space where your child feels safe and supported.

9. Support Your Child’s Feelings

Adoption can stir up a mix of emotions during the holidays, especially for children who may feel a sense of loss around their birth family. Be mindful of their feelings and offer reassurance when needed.

Let them know it’s okay to feel happy and sad at the same time. A simple “I’m here if you want to talk” can make all the difference.

If they express missing their birth family, acknowledge their feelings without dismissing them. You might say, “That makes sense. Do you want to do something special to honor them this holiday?” Giving them space to process their emotions helps them feel understood and supported.

Final Thoughts

Talking about adoption during the holidays doesn’t have to be stressful. By setting clear boundaries, preparing your child, keeping conversations positive, and gently educating others, you can create a warm and welcoming space for your family.

Remember, adoption is a beautiful part of your story—it’s not something you have to defend or justify. With a little preparation and confidence, you can navigate holiday conversations with grace and positivity, making this season even more meaningful for everyone.