How to Build a Positive Relationship with Birth Parents

28 November 2025

Building a positive relationship with birth parents can be a beautiful and rewarding journey. Whether you're an adoptive parent, a foster parent, or a supportive guardian, fostering a strong connection with birth parents helps create a loving and stable environment for the child.

But let’s be honest—it’s not always easy. There can be complex emotions, misunderstandings, and even past challenges to work through. However, with patience, open communication, and mutual respect, a healthy relationship is absolutely possible.

So, how do you build and maintain a positive relationship with your child’s birth parents? Let’s dive in!

Why a Positive Relationship with Birth Parents Matters

Creating a meaningful connection with birth parents is about more than just coexisting—it directly benefits the child. Here’s why it’s so important:

- Gives the Child a Stronger Sense of Identity: Knowing where they come from helps children understand their roots and develop a secure identity.
- Provides Emotional Stability: Open and respectful connections reduce confusion, anxiety, and feelings of loss.
- Creates a Supportive Environment: When both adoptive and birth parents work together, the child feels more loved and cared for.
- Reduces Future Conflict: Establishing a positive relationship early on helps avoid misunderstandings and minimizes potential legal or emotional disputes.

At the end of the day, it’s all about teamwork. Everyone wants what’s best for the child, and that starts with healthy relationships built on trust and respect.

Tips for Building a Positive Relationship with Birth Parents

Now that we know why it’s important, let’s look at how you can actually make it happen.

1. Keep an Open Mind

Every family dynamic is different. Some birth parents may want a close relationship, while others may prefer occasional updates. Instead of making assumptions, approach the relationship with an open heart and an open mind.

Remember, birth parents may have different life experiences, values, and cultures. Embracing their perspective can strengthen your bond and create a united front for supporting the child.

2. Communication is Key

Healthy relationships thrive on good communication, and this one is no exception! Here are a few ways to keep the conversation flowing smoothly:

- Be Honest But Kind: Open, transparent communication builds trust. If something is bothering you, address it in a respectful manner.
- Listen Actively: Sometimes, we listen just to respond. Instead, truly hear what birth parents are saying and acknowledge their feelings.
- Set Realistic Expectations: Discuss boundaries early on—how often will you communicate? Will visits be in person or virtual? Having clear expectations prevents misunderstandings.

Pro tip: A simple text or email update about the child’s milestones can mean the world to a birth parent!

3. Respect Boundaries

Boundaries are essential in any relationship, and this one is no different. Some birth parents may want ongoing involvement, while others may need space to heal. The key is respecting their comfort level.

If visits or communication need to be adjusted over time, that’s okay! The important thing is that both sides feel comfortable with the arrangement.

4. Focus on the Child’s Best Interests

At the heart of this relationship is the child. Every decision, conversation, and interaction should revolve around what’s best for them.

- Avoid tension or arguments in front of the child.
- Speak positively about birth parents whenever possible.
- Encourage the child to ask questions and express their feelings.

Think of yourselves as a team—working together to provide love, stability, and guidance for the child.

5. Show Appreciation and Gratitude

Birth parents made an incredibly tough and selfless decision. No matter the circumstances, acknowledging their love and sacrifice can go a long way in fostering a positive relationship.

A handwritten note, a thoughtful message, or a heartfelt “thank you” can make birth parents feel valued and respected.

6. Involve Birth Parents in Meaningful Ways

Not every birth parent relationship will look the same, but where possible, find small (or big) ways to keep them connected. Some ideas include:

- Sending pictures and updates about the child’s milestones.
- Celebrating birthdays or special occasions together.
- Allowing birth parents to share family traditions or stories with the child.

Even small gestures can strengthen the bond and help birth parents feel included in their child’s life.

7. Be Patient and Understanding

Like any relationship, this one takes time to develop. There may be bumps along the way—miscommunications, emotional moments, or even uncertainties about boundaries.

And that’s okay! What matters is that you keep trying.

If challenges arise, remind yourself why you're doing this: for the love and well-being of the child. Approach tough situations with kindness, patience, and a willingness to work things out.

Overcoming Common Challenges

While a positive relationship with birth parents is ideal, it doesn’t come without challenges. Here are a few common roadblocks—and how to get past them.

Handling Emotional Complexities

Adoption and fostering are emotional journeys. Birth parents may struggle with feelings of loss, while adoptive or foster parents may feel protective of their child.

Solution: Allow space for emotions. Offer kindness and understanding while keeping the child’s well-being at the center of every decision.

Differences in Parenting Styles

Birth parents and adoptive parents may have different views on discipline, education, or daily routines.

Solution: Communicate openly and respectfully. Finding middle ground ensures consistency and stability for the child.

Navigating Unresolved Past Issues

If there’s past trauma or conflict, healing might take time.

Solution: Consider professional mediation or counseling if needed. Sometimes, having an objective third party can help navigate difficult emotions.

Final Thoughts

Building a positive relationship with birth parents isn’t always straightforward, but it’s absolutely worth it. At the core of it all is love—the love for a child who deserves the best of both worlds.

With open communication, mutual respect, and a team mindset, you can create a nurturing environment where your child thrives. And really, isn’t that what parenting is all about?