I’m a Child Therapist—This Common Parenting Mistake Can Damage Confidence

August 11, 2026 - 18:40

Many parents want to help their children succeed, but child therapist Jill Hartrich says confidence often develops in unexpected ways. In her practice, she sees a common mistake that quietly undermines a child's self-belief: fixing problems for them too quickly. When a parent jumps in to solve a homework struggle, mediate a playground dispute, or even tie a shoelace before the child asks, the message sent is subtle but powerful. It tells the child, "I do not trust you to handle this." Over time, that repeated intervention chips away at a child's sense of capability.

Hartrich explains that confidence is not built on praise or constant reassurance. It grows from the experience of facing a challenge, struggling a bit, and then figuring out a solution alone. When parents rush to remove every obstacle, they rob their children of that vital process. The child learns to look outward for answers instead of inward. They start to believe that their own judgment is not enough, and that they need an adult to validate every decision. This pattern can lead to anxiety and hesitation in school, sports, and friendships.

The fix is not to abandon children, but to tolerate their discomfort. Let them make a mistake on a math problem and find the error. Let them ask a coach a question by themselves. Let them feel the frustration of a difficult puzzle for a few minutes. The parent's job is to be a safety net, not a helicopter. Hartrich suggests asking, "What do you think you should do?" before offering any advice. That simple question shifts the responsibility back to the child and signals that their own brain is a reliable tool. It takes patience, and it feels harder than just doing it for them. But the payoff is a child who walks into the world with the quiet knowledge that they can handle what comes their way. That inner certainty is the real definition of confidence, and it cannot be handed over. It has to be earned, one small struggle at a time.