Co-Parenting and Summer Break: Planning Vacations Together

12 June 2025

When it comes to co-parenting, few things test your patience, teamwork, and flexibility like summer break. School's out, the days are longer, and kids are ready for pool days, ice cream outings, and family vacations. But when you're co-parenting, especially if the relationship is still a bit raw, summer break can feel like trying to plan a group project with an ex you barely speak to.

So how do you make summer unforgettable for your kids without the stress eclipsing the sunshine? Let’s dive into the heart of co-parenting during summer and how you can plan vacations together that focus on the most important thing: your children’s happiness.

Why Summer Break Feels Different for Co-Parents

Summer break isn’t just any break. There’s no fixed schedule, no morning drop-offs, no PTA meetings. For co-parents, that shift in routine can turn into a logistical jigsaw puzzle.

Unlike the structured school year, summer is full of possibilities—and potential headaches. It means figuring out who gets the kids when, whether to go on joint vacations, and how to keep communication from spiraling into passive-aggressive texts.

But with a little planning, empathy, and teamwork, summer doesn't have to feel like a custody tug-of-war.

Start with the Golden Rule: Put the Kids First

Seems obvious, right? But let’s be honest—it’s easy to let emotions cloud judgment, especially when there’s history involved. Whether you’ve been co-parenting for years or you're freshly separated, summer vacation planning has to revolve around your kids’ needs and best interests.

Ask yourself:
- What would make my child happiest this summer?
- How can we create lasting memories—regardless of which parent they're with?
- What do they need most: relaxation, adventure, structure, or quality time?

When you both agree to put your kids first, even the most complex plans become a lot more doable.

Communicate Like Grown-Ups (Yes, Even If It's Hard)

Communication is key. Not the late-night, emotionally charged kind—think calendars, emails, shared apps, and calm conversations.

Set up a time to talk about summer plans, either in person or through a shared platform like Google Calendar or co-parenting apps such as OurFamilyWizard or Coparently. Keep it business-like if you need to, just as you would with a colleague planning a company retreat.

Tips for Better Co-Parenting Communication:

- Stick to facts, not feelings.
- Use clear, respectful language.
- Confirm everything in writing (even if you talk it out first).
- Don’t use the kids as messengers. Ever.

Planning Joint Vacations: Yes, It's Possible (And Sometimes Wonderful)

You might be thinking, “Vacation with my ex? Not a chance.” But hear me out—some co-parents choose to take joint family vacations during summer. While it’s definitely not for everyone, it can work beautifully for some families.

The secret? Clear boundaries, separate accommodations (if needed), and a shared focus on the kids.

Joint vacations offer stability for children, and send the message that both parents are willing to set aside differences for them. Plus, it can mean double the fun—two sets of parents, different strengths, and double the memories.

Ask yourself:
- Can we be civil and cooperative for a few days?
- Will joint time help our child feel more secure?
- Are we both emotionally ready for this?

If not, that’s perfectly okay. There are still plenty of ways to make summer special with separate vacations.

Separate Vacations: Make the Most of Your Time

More often than not, co-parents plan separate vacations. And that’s totally fine! In fact, it can give each parent a chance to bond with the child in their own unique way.

Whether it’s camping with Dad or visiting Grandma with Mom, the key is to coordinate in advance—and be flexible. If your ex wants to take the kids to Disney and that overlaps with your beach trip, don’t let ego get in the way. Talk it out, and create a schedule that allows both of you to enjoy quality time.

Key Considerations for Separate Vacation Planning:

- Give plenty of advanced notice—at least a couple of months.
- Share trip details and contact info.
- Respect time boundaries, especially if outlined in a custody agreement.
- Encourage your child to be excited about both trips—without comparing them.

Remember, it’s not a competition—it’s about your child creating memories with both parents.

Legal and Custody Considerations (Yeah, We’ve Gotta Talk About It)

Co-parenting during summer can sometimes stir up legal waters, especially if there’s no clear summer schedule in your parenting agreement. That’s why it’s essential to review your custody arrangement before booking anything.

What to Look For:

- Dispute resolution clauses (what happens if you can’t agree?)
- How vacation weeks are split
- Notification timeframes (some agreements require a 30- or 60-day notice)
- Travel restrictions (especially for international trips)

If you’re unsure about any clause or need flexibility, it's always a good idea to consult a family lawyer or mediator. Keeping things legal ensures everyone’s on the same page and avoids potential drama.

Include the Kids in the Planning (It’s Their Summer Too!)

Ever been dragged on a vacation you didn’t want to go on? Now imagine you're 10 years old and your parents are fighting about it. Not fun.

Depending on your child’s age, invite them into the planning process. Ask them what they’d like to do this summer. Maybe they want to try paddleboarding, go to a baseball game, or just hang out with friends. Their input can help guide your plans and make them feel included and valued.

Try this:
- Make a “summer fun list” together.
- Choose 2-3 big decisions they can help with (like picking excursions or meals on the trip).
- Talk to them openly about how time will be divided—gently and positively.

Kids adjust better when they’re not blindsided or left in the dark.

Be Flexible—Seriously, It’s Not the End of the World

Plans change. Flights get delayed. Your ex might need to swap a weekend. Kids get sick. Nothing derails co-parenting faster than a rigid, “It’s my time!” mentality.

Life happens. And the best co-parents are the ones who can roll with it.

Being flexible doesn’t mean being a pushover. It means trusting that give-and-take balances out over time—and that your child’s wellbeing matters more than strict timelines.

Don’t Undermine Each Other

Here’s the deal: your child loves both of you. When one parent bad-mouths the other, it’s like telling them they’re only half-good. Ouch.

Avoid sarcasm, gossip, or guilt-tripping—especially around summer trips. Don’t say things like:
- “I guess Dad finally decided to show up.”
- “Mom only takes you to impress her new boyfriend.”

Let your kids enjoy their time with the other parent without the emotional baggage. Think of co-parenting like a relay race. Pass the baton with grace.

Dealing with New Partners: Navigating the Awkward

Let’s be real for a second—summer vacations can get a little complicated when new romantic partners are in the picture.

Maybe your ex wants to take your child on a trip with their new significant other. Or you’re planning a getaway with yours. In either case, proceed with sensitivity and clear communication.

Go slow. Prioritize your child’s comfort. And make sure no trip feels like a forced “Meet the Stepparent” situation.

Here’s a guiding principle: if it’s too soon, it probably is.

Keep the Big Picture in Mind

Summer break is only a couple of months, but the way you handle it can leave an impression that lasts for years. One family trip, one moment of grace, one evening roasting marshmallows under the stars—that's what your kids will remember.

Co-parenting isn’t always easy—it’s a dance that requires rhythm, patience, and trust. But summer is a chance to let go of school-year stress, reconnect, and forge memories that knit your kids' childhood together like a patchwork quilt.

Even if your family looks different than it once did, it’s still a family. And that’s something worth celebrating.

Final Thoughts: Choose Peace Over Perfection

No summer break will be perfect. There will be hiccups, misunderstandings, and maybe even a few hurt feelings. But if you approach co-parenting with heart, humility, and a sense of humor, everyone benefits—especially your children.

At the end of the day, summer isn’t about the perfect itinerary or the most Instagram-worthy vacation. It’s about moments—laughing over melted popsicles, holding hands on a hike, building sandcastles that wash away but leave behind unforgettable memories.

So co-parent with compassion. Plan with intention. And make this summer one to remember—for all the right reasons.