Building Trust with Your Co-Parent for the Sake of Your Child

1 July 2025

Co-parenting isn’t always a walk in the park. Whether you're raising a child with an ex-spouse, a former partner, or even a close friend, trust can be a hard thing to maintain. But here’s the deal—your child’s well-being depends on it.

When parents don’t trust each other, kids feel the tension. And let’s be honest, no child should have to sit through the emotional tug-of-war between two people they love. So, how can you build trust with your co-parent for the sake of your little one? Let’s dive into it.

Why Trust is the Foundation of Healthy Co-Parenting

Trust is like the glue that holds your co-parenting relationship together. Without it, everything starts falling apart—communication breaks down, misunderstandings pile up, and parenting becomes a constant battle rather than a shared responsibility.

When trust is strong, co-parenting feels more like a team effort rather than a competition. Your child sees two people working together, leading to a sense of security and stability—something every child deserves.

Common Barriers to Trust in Co-Parenting

Let’s be real—building trust isn’t always easy. There are plenty of roadblocks along the way, especially if your past relationship was rocky. Here are a few common issues that can make trust-building feel like climbing a mountain:

1. Unresolved Hurt from the Past

If your relationship ended on a bad note, it’s natural to carry some emotional baggage. Maybe there was infidelity, broken promises, or constant arguments. Whatever the case, those wounds don’t just disappear when you switch to co-parenting mode.

2. Lack of Consistency

If one parent is constantly changing plans, arriving late, or not sticking to agreements, trust starts to erode. Your co-parent needs to know they can count on you, just like you need to know you can count on them.

3. Poor Communication

Miscommunication is a trust-killer. If you’re constantly misunderstanding each other or avoiding tough conversations, it’s easy to assume the worst.

4. Involvement of New Partners

When new relationships enter the picture, things can get complicated. There may be concerns about how that person will interact with your child or whether they’ll interfere with parenting decisions.

5. Different Parenting Styles

You might be the bedtime-at-8, no-sugar, structured-routine kind of parent, while your co-parent is more of a free-spirited, go-with-the-flow type. These differences can create tension if not addressed properly.

Steps to Rebuild and Strengthen Trust

No matter where you are in your co-parenting journey, trust is something you can build (or rebuild) over time. It won’t happen overnight, but with some effort, patience, and teamwork, you can create a solid foundation.

1. Communicate Openly and Honestly

Good co-parenting starts with open communication. Keep each other in the loop about school events, doctor’s appointments, and any changes in your child’s life. Be honest, even when it’s difficult.

If direct conversations often lead to arguments, consider alternative ways to communicate—texts, emails, or even a co-parenting app designed to keep things professional and clear.

2. Set Clear Boundaries and Expectations

Boundaries are crucial in any co-parenting arrangement. Set clear expectations about schedules, responsibilities, and decision-making. The more structured your arrangement, the less room there is for misunderstandings.

If disagreements arise, refer back to your agreements rather than getting caught up in emotions.

3. Be Consistent and Reliable

If you say you’ll pick up your child at 5 p.m., be there at 5 p.m. If you agree on a bedtime routine, stick to it. Being dependable shows your co-parent that they can rely on you, which strengthens trust over time.

4. Keep Your Child’s Needs First

Whenever you’re tempted to argue or hold a grudge, ask yourself: Will this benefit my child?

Your child should always come first—not your feelings, not your frustration, and definitely not revenge. Keeping your focus on their well-being can help shift your mindset toward cooperation rather than conflict.

5. Avoid Speaking Negatively About Each Other

It might be tempting to express your frustrations about your co-parent, but remember—your child is always listening. Speaking negatively about your co-parent in front of your child can create confusion, anxiety, and even resentment.

Instead, encourage a positive relationship between your child and their other parent. No matter what happened between the two of you, your child deserves a healthy bond with both parents.

6. Be Willing to Forgive and Move Forward

Holding onto past mistakes will only make co-parenting harder. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, but it does mean letting go of resentment so you can move forward.

Taking a "clean slate" approach can help both of you focus on the present rather than dwelling on past hurts.

7. Respect Each Other’s Parenting Styles

You and your co-parent don’t have to agree on everything. In fact, you probably won’t. But unless there’s a serious issue affecting your child's well-being, learn to respect differences and pick your battles wisely.

Focus on what really matters—ensuring your child feels loved, secure, and supported.

8. Use a Co-Parenting Calendar

A shared calendar can help both parents stay on the same page. Whether it’s birthdays, sports events, or parent-teacher meetings, having a centralized schedule reduces confusion and shows accountability.

There are many co-parenting apps out there that can make scheduling easier, so take advantage of the technology at your fingertips.

9. Work with a Mediator if Necessary

If communication is particularly strained, a co-parenting counselor or mediator can help. Having a neutral third party can make a world of difference when trying to navigate difficult conversations.

There’s no shame in seeking help—what matters most is creating a peaceful, supportive environment for your child.

10. Celebrate the Small Wins

Rebuilding trust is a process, but every small step counts. Celebrate the little victories—whether it’s a successful exchange, a positive conversation, or simply going a week without an argument.

Recognizing progress motivates both parents to keep putting in the effort.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, co-parenting isn’t about you—it’s about your child. They deserve a loving, stable environment where both parents trust and respect each other.

Trust takes time to build, but with patience, consistency, and a child-first mindset, you and your co-parent can create a healthy relationship that benefits everyone.

Remember, you’re not just co-parents—you’re a team working toward the same goal: raising a happy, well-adjusted child.